i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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