it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
