Small penises have feelings too.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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