cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
