if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
