So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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