I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
