Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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