Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
