How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
