no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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