Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
