if only i could text you this smell
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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