im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize