the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
