this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
