oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
