I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
