just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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