As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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