I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
