It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I need water and some morals
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
