Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
