Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
