It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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