I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she peed on how many people?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
