Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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