I want to stick my p in your. b.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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