I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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