Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
