mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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