Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
