just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
