your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
