More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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