I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Pants are for mortals
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
