I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
