Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
