he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
