I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
