Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
