recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
