is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
