i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
