What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
