I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
