I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
