There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So much rum. So many feels.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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