his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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