I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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