Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
