U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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