Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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