I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
