you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
