If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Randomize
