So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
