I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
