when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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