i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
