So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i dont even know how to be here
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
