Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Say something about gay babies.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
