I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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