I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
