is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
