I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you didnt know i had herpes?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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