Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
