So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
