dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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