grandma shit on top of the toilet
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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