he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
