Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
