I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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