so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
