Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
