The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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