He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
